What to say (and not say) to someone after a miscarriage

If someone you love has just had a miscarriage, you might be frightened of saying the wrong thing. That's normal. You don't need perfect words. Simply checking in, sending a gentle text, or letting them know you care can mean more than you'll ever know.

Small ways to show you care

• Check in, and keep checking in. The first week is full of messages. Week three is often lonely.
• Send a gentle text. "Thinking of you today. No need to reply."
• Offer something specific. "I'm dropping dinner over on Thursday" is easier to accept than "let me know if you need anything."
• Include their partner. "How are you both doing?" Partners grieve too.
• Remember the dates. The due date and the anniversary of the loss can be some of the hardest days.
• Let them lead. Some days they'll want to talk about the baby. Some days they won't. Both are okay.

Words that help

• "I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you."
• "I don't know what to say, but I'm here."
• "There's no rush to feel better. I'm not going anywhere."

Words that can hurt, even when they're meant kindly

"At least it was early." "Everything happens for a reason." "At least you know you can get pregnant." "Just relax." "Just keep trying." They usually rush past the loss or try to explain it, and leave the person feeling unseen.

If you're pregnant yourself

Share your news gently. A private message before any public announcement is often the kindest way.

If you've already said the wrong thing

It happens, and you can go back. "I've been thinking about what I said, and I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say, and I care about you" can repair more than you might expect.

For the person who has had the loss

If the people around you haven't known what to say, you are not asking for too much by wanting to be seen. It's okay to send this article to someone you love and let it do the explaining for you.

Common questions

What should I say to someone who has had a miscarriage?

Keep it simple: "I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you." Acknowledging the loss matters far more than finding perfect words.

How can I support someone I love after a miscarriage?

Keep checking in, send a gentle text, offer something specific, include their partner, and let them lead.

This article is for education only and does not replace individual medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Every person's situation is different. Please speak with your healthcare professional about what is right for you.